Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Boy Crazy: Why Monogamy is So Hard for Gay Men and What You Can Do About it, by Michael Shelton
Boy Crazy: Why Monogamy is So Hard for Gay Men and What You Can Do About it, by Michael Shelton $36.99.
Michael Shelton is an American clinician focusing on behavioural and addictive sex and sexuality concerns. I opened this book expecting to be sold monogamy as a nirvana or absolute goal. My personal feelings were discomfited and challenged as I read a wide ranging survey of masculinity and maleness concluding with the author’s opinion that men don’t cope well with monogamy, thus their need for sexual variety.
Can one relationship fulfil all our emotional and sexual needs? A possible answer appears to be yes, but only if all parties have worked through their own issues and communicate and share ongoing intimacy and passions. Genetics, upbringing and role modelling have made it difficult for gay men to show intimacy and emotions with their male mates.
When faced with a partner’s infidelity many of us instinctively flee or avoid dealing with what is going on. Shelton explores the options and motivations in Boy Crazy and impresses me with his practical approach. We have options and if we communicate our feelings honestly, all parties to a relationship can make more appropriate and positive choices for either monogamy or non-monogamy.
This little gem is a thorough examination of relationship, emotional and sexual issues for gay men and how to deal with our primary relationships as our desires ebb and flow.